I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. - Dorothy Parker
If they laid all the coeds from Yale end to end...I wouldn't be surprised. - Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it. - Dorothy Parker
If wild my breast and sore my pride, I bask in dreams of suicide, If cool my heart and high my head I think "How lucky are the dead. - Dorothy Parker
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. - Dorothy Parker
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life. - Dorothy Parker
The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism. - Dorothy Parker
If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit suprised. - Dorothy Parker
Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life. - Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. - Dorothy Parker
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed. - Dorothy Parker
Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose. - Dorothy Parker
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. - Dorothy Parker
If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :) - Dorothy Parker
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age. - Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship. - Dorothy Parker
This is on me. - Dorothy Parker
One more drink and I'll be under the host. - Dorothy Parker
I really can't come to your party Mrs. Parker, I can't bear fools." That's strange; your mother could. - Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. - Dorothy Parker
And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word. - Dorothy Parker
"Coolidge is dead" "How could they tell? - Dorothy Parker
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. - Dorothy Parker
I hate writing, I love having written. - Dorothy Parker
By whom? - Dorothy Parker
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks. - Dorothy Parker
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common. - Dorothy Parker
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. - Dorothy Parker
I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. - Dorothy Parker
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. - Dorothy Parker
Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can. - Dorothy Parker
The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back. - Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. - Dorothy Parker
Trapped, like a trap in a trap. - Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying. - Dorothy Parker
Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night. - Dorothy Parker
Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid,You'll be the first it ever did. - Dorothy Parker
Don't look at me in that tone of voice. - Dorothy Parker
i like to have a martini, two at the very most - at three i'm under the table, at four, i'm under the host! - Dorothy Parker
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy. - Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. - Dorothy Parker
Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you. - Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. - Dorothy Parker
I shudder at the thought of men....I'm due to fall in love again - Dorothy Parker
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. - Dorothy Parker
His voice was a intimate as the rustle of sheets. - Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say "No" in any of them. - Dorothy Parker
The two most beautiful words in the English language are ``check enclosed.'' - Dorothy Parker
Famous actress bragging about her husband: Look at him, isn't he beautiful I have kept him for seven years now" Dorothy Parker: Don't Worry--he'll come back in style" - Dorothy Parker
There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956] - Dorothy Parker
London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it. - Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm. - Dorothy Parker
I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things. - Dorothy Parker
Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress. - Dorothy Parker
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair. - Dorothy Parker
It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day. - Dorothy Parker
Hold your pen and spare your voice. - Dorothy Parker
The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature. - Dorothy Parker
My land is bare of chattering folk; the clouds are low along the ridges, and sweet's the air with curly smoke from all my burning bridges. - Dorothy Parker
"Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city. - Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. - Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Romania. - Dorothy Parker
I went to a convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion. - Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it. - Dorothy Parker
A hangover is the wrath of grapes. - Dorothy Parker
She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go. - Dorothy Parker
Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants. - Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant --- and let the air out of their tires. - Dorothy Parker
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Romania. - Dorothy Parker
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think. - Dorothy Parker
Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown? - Dorothy Parker
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker
I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.... you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking. - Dorothy Parker